I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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