why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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