i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
