you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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