remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
