Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
do nipples grow back?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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