Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my being single is dangerous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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