if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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