NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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