sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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