You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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