The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
