I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
