whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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