i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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