i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Even my vagina gasped.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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