remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
