she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
