I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
