every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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