Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize