I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
