david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
