if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You've changed since you got that strap on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
