He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
