I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
