tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
