I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
