matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
