super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
