I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
