So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
