This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
