i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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