I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.