At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.