dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the day after is always just damage control
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion