and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing