I wish I could punch you in the face.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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