The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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