You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
