Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
