i think my tv is drunk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
