Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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