The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
