My friends, they love my intelligence
True but thats because hes a fetus.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He did a backflip because drugs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
