so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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