when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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