i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
