I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
