If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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