he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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