The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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