You're so nebulous sometimes
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
