Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
