Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize