he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize