corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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