i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Less talking, more tequila
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
