note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
