If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
