Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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