I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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