Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
