Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
