I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
