I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
